Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
