If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
