I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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