He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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