Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
