Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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