her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
