Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
