Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
