hotel room ftw
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
