I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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