you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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