The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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