I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
