so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
