I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize