I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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