I feel like I'm in dance class right now
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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