i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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