I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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