Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
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