so explain again why im purple
no
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
