guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We have so much sex to catch up on
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
