the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
