she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
