omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
