I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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