your room smells of hookers.
And success
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
