Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
