I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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