"it" just moved
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
