I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
