dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
