im about as happy as oj after his trial
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You left your phone here
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