That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
