FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
