i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
