Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
