Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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