If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
