i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
