she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
