Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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