I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
