Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
50% drunk capacity currently
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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