i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
