we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
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