I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
