i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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