she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
