White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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