forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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