Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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