my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
