took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
