he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
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