I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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