I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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