I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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