Me. At least after what I've been through.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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