how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
