the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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