I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Your shirt... Was in my pants
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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