the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
