So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
