Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
