Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
