Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
