i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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