I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
