GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
