Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
