I must be too annoying 4 u.
we have pet lesbian snakes
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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