i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
